My Secret Girlfriend

I had my secret girlfriend 37 years ago. She was my first girlfriend. Right till this day, I still had a lovely warm feeling every time I thought of her. And I would chuckle and laugh, mesmerized by past memories of her; it was a very nice feeling.

I was in Form 2 (Grade 8) when it happened. I remembered my center parting hairstyle was rather impressive and attractive during that time of the year, though it may look old-fashioned and ugly now. And the bell bottom styled pants. They really made me feel special.

We were studying in the same class and I was the class monitor. It was a wooden block with no doors and windows. There were beautiful trees and flowers around and the place was cooling and nice, except when it rained heavily, when we had to squeeze together in the middle of the class.

I remembered there were times when my classmates were making noise and I had to act fast before teachers from adjacent classes came and shouted at us. There were times when my classmates were not happy with my actions, but she would look at me with an approving smile.

I loved her radiant smiles. It melted my heart and made me feel like I was at the top of the world. And I loved those sparkling eyes and her beaming face when she smiled sweetly at me. I felt all the more relaxed and peaceful in her company.

She was tall with long hair. She was slim, fair and beautiful. She was an independent girl who shared her thoughts and was very helpful to me. And she never grumbled or complained about anything.

We were friends for a long time. I was surprised I didn't make my moves.

I was always concerned about my personal life. I always wanted to achieve my dreams and goals and life ambitions. Life was tough and rough during my teenage years, and I always had to help out with my family; I just couldn't spare enough time for love life.

Some of my classmates fell in love fast and was talking about engagement and marriage after their Form 5 (Grade 11). But we remained friends and continued to work together.

We did our Form 6 in another school. But our relationship became dull and strained when we didn't study together in the same class. I remembered we didn't have many meetings and gatherings together. Finally we parted.

It had been years that I had not seen her, but I continued to remember her.

Now teaching in the same school, sometimes I did think about her.

May be she didn't know that I was a secret admirer.

She was my secret girlfriend.